Back to work, Happy Thanksgiving!

This title says it all. It was a busy week - back to work, Scott's trip home for Thanksgiving, and Theresa's visit.

I started back at work, and I fully realize that you cannot get anything done with a child at home. I managed those three days with the help of the mute button on the phone, rising before the baby wakes up (gotta love those 6am meeting with the hope that the baby will sleep until 7am), and trying to get as much done during nap time as possible. Bouncing a baby on your knee makes for a lot of typos when trying to create documentation and send emails...

Scott came home on Thursday, and it was great seeing him. Emi and I went to the airport to pick him up, and she was completely asleep when we got there. I took her out of the car seat to meet him as he walked over to the parking area, and I handed her over to him as soon as we saw him. Unfortunately, (I blame it on the sleepiness) Emi took one look at Scott and started to cry. It was not the reunion we had planned for - but Scott and Emi were back to their old playful antics after an hour or two. Since it was Thanksgiving afternoon, and just the three of us, we decided to have Thanksgiving at Tip Top Meats. You can't beat the huge meal that we got for $8.99 a person. We need to go back and try some of their other platters, they all sounded so good. We then headed home for some quality family time.

The next day, Theresa and the family came to visit. It was good seeing them. The kids were so big, and it seemed like it was a very long time since I've seen them all. Scott's trip was way too short - he flew back on Saturday afternoon. Theresa stayed one more night, and headed back to Texas on Sunday. Then, another night of dread - getting Emi ready for the first day of daycare.

The night consisted of getting bottles ready, setting aside a package of diapers and wipes to take, laying out her clothes for tomorrow morning (there will be no decision making at 5:45am), and putting a bag of 3 extra outfits to keep at daycare together (went the easy route with sleep and plays). A quiet and sad ending to a busy week.

All things must come to an end...

Tomorrow, I go back to work. I thought I would be one of those moms who couldn't wait to go back to work; eager for adult interaction, eager to start thinking in "work mode" again, and eager for a return to "normalcy". But here it is, 10pm the night before I go back to work, and I am dreading it. So much that I would like this evening to never end - and I actually straightened up the house, put away folded laundry, went through our piles of junk in the kitchen, and I don't really want to go to bed because I know the very next thing awaiting me is an early morning of work.

Granted, being a stay at home mom is hard work (and usually an earlier start to the day than the alarm for work) - and there are definitely frustrations and days you wish you could just walk out of the house for a half hour and collect yourself (or scream swear words at the top of your lungs). I do think these frustrations are more intense than any frustration you encounter at work (with projects, with deadlines, with clients...) but they are yours and yours alone, and when you get through them you have a (hopefully) sleeping baby, or smiling baby, and a heart full of love. Even if I end up with smiling clients, I don't end up with a heart full of love.

And all these feelings don't even take into account that I will be leaving Emi at daycare. We don't start that until after Thanksgiving, and I'm sure I will have a load of different emotions next Sunday. But for now, I really don't want to go back to work. I even thought "What if I quit my job, and live on our savings for a year, and reassess at that point in time". But, I don't think we can afford that, and I'm sure that once I am back into the swing of things at work it won't be so bad. Hopefully it's just a feeling of anticipation and dread, like when I was a kid and summer break was over. Once you walk into school, it's not so bad.

On another ironic note: a lot of the cleaning tonight is because the cleaners are coming tomorrow. How come I always feel like I have to clean the day before the cleaners come? Oh well...

Roll over...

The other day (3 months, and 2 days) Emi rolled over from her tummy to her back. It was at yoga class, and I didn't really see it, but the teacher did and she said that Emi had a surprised look on her face. That afternoon, she rolled over the same way 3 more times at my parent's house. It was funny, she was just using the weight of her big head to roll her over that shoulder. But since then, she has not done it at all. BUT - she has rolled over from her back to her tummy on 2 different days. Here's a clip of it. So I think this one is here to stay (although she only goes to her left side). Our days of leaving her on the couch while we do something really quick are over. Oh well...

Satisfying

There is something very satisfying about second helpings. I wonder if other people think this, and do something similar. Tonight, I am making spaghetti for dinner - for one. I make just enough that I know I am going to finish it tonight, and have no left overs. But when I dish it out for myself, I only dish out half, so that I can come back and get a second helping. Even though I know I am going to eat all of it. I could dish it all out, and eat it all - but that is just not satisfying. Am I strange?

On another note - I have made it through the first week of Scott being in VA. Overall, not a bad week (sad, but not at tough as I thought it was going to be). Scott left very early on Saturday morning, and I was really feeling bad with a cold that we both caught just in time for his last 2 days at home. Emi was amazing and let me sleep a lot that day, and she was up and happily hanging out in her swing, took nice long naps, and really gave me the time I needed to start recovering. I thought the first week was going to be miserable - similar to how the first week at home after having Emi was (lots of crying, little sleep, etc). Although her sleep schedule was a little off, it was not terrible. I do think she misses Scott, because she was more fussy than usual in the evenings, but it was manageable. I've been keeping busy with the mom's group, and my parents have been life savers and have been bringing me dinner a lot. I have a feeling that time will go by much faster once I start working (which I don't want to do), but it is still going to be a long 19 more weeks...

Emi had her 3 month check up and shots today. She weighed in at 12 pounds on the dot (and Grandpa measured her at 24 inches). My baby is growing up!

Just the two of us...

OK - I guess the accurate count is 4: Colette, Emi, Bear and Chewie.
Scott left on Saturday morning for the academy. The worst part of his leaving was the last 2 days, we were both sick. So rather than enjoy the time together before he left, we were both drugged up on cold medicine and trying not to touch the baby and get her sick. Fortunately, she seemed to escape catching whatever it is we have (knock on wood). I am wondering if Scott got it first - because he mentioned a scratchy throat a few days before I got mine, and he seemed to peak right around Sat/Sun. Tonight, I have started with the runny nose and have a little cough, which is where he was on Thursday. So we'll see what kind of shape I am in tomorrow morning.

The next worst thing about Scott's leaving is that Emi was sleeping when we got to the airport, and Scott didn't want to take her out of her car seat and wake her up. So he didn't get to give her a big hug and kiss goodbye. But the thought of Scott coming home for Thanksgiving, even if it's just for 2 nights, is comforting and I hope that it works out. I can only imagine how much Scott is missing Emi.

We had a good first 2 nights alone. In the evenings, every time she woke up, she woke up crying (maybe it's because she misses her daddy, and his giving her the last bottle of the night). But I was able to calm her down, and she slept pretty well both nights. This morning came earlier than usual (4:30am), but she went right back to sleep after a feeding.

Emi got her first boo boo today, and fortunately there is no mark or band aid to show for it (just the memory of her crying). There is a shelf above the changing table, which I thought may not be a good idea the first day we hung it - but managed to avoid bumping into it until now. Grandma and I were trying her Halloween costume on this afternoon, and Grandma picked her straight up without thinking of the shelf and she bumped her head on the edge of it (hard, the shelf bounced a little). For one second, it was quiet, then suddenly there was a scream (from Emi, and possibly from me) and then crying. It was the saddest thing to see her like that, even sadder than when she got her first shots. It was just unexpected, and followed by worry of red marks, bumps and lumps, soft spots on her head, and brain damage. But she calmed down, and then started acting like herself, and even smiling. So it all turned out ok, but the guilt and worry was the most emotion I think I've ever felt (not to mention Grandma who felt horrible and cried herself a little). Scott, if this shelf is no longer there when you come home for Thanksgiving, now you know why...

For the rest of the night, I have felt very protective of Emi, and even feel like I love her a little more now. There is no doubt that I loved her before today, but it's just a little more intense now. There was always a sense of having to care for her, but now it's a sense of having to protect her of things (even though I know there will be lots of scrapes and cuts in our future), and never wanting to see her cry or be hurt in any way. When I put her to bed tonight, looking at her peaceful sleeping face made my heart melt, and made me want to just hold her and kiss her and protect her from all things scary or hurtful. Wow, I never thought I would say this, but I feel like a mom.

2 months - 10.5 lbs, 23 inches

Emi,
I am so amazed at how fast you have grown, and that you are developing into your own little person already. We have finally gotten over the nursing hardships, and I can tell you are definitely getting enough to eat by the way you have grown. People always say that babies don't stay small long, and it's so true. I look at your early pictures, and hardly recognize that little monkey. You are starting to outgrow your newborn clothes (which is so sad), and we'll have to start putting you into your 3 months clothes soon.

The 2 comments that we get all the time - literally, from every stranger who takes a look at you:
OMG, look at all that hair!
She is so alert, looking at me and everything around her.

You love going outside. Sometimes when you are fussy (and believe me, you still have your moments!), we just take you outside and you calm right down. You also love being in your car seat, and going for car rides. I'm also grateful for the swing that we got for you - since you love it and sometimes that's the only place you will take a nap. We have gotten the hang of the moby wrap, and we need to get you out for more walks (more for mommy exercise time, rather than for you).

You got your first shots last week, and although you cried, you recovered pretty quickly (maybe it was that bottle that we shoved into your mouth after you stopped screaming). You're still figuring out if you are going to be a big kid (90th percentile for weight) or a small kid (50th percentile for height). We need to work on getting you turn your head to the left more often, and you need to sleep on your side and get more tummy time so you don't have a flat head (maybe that's why your hair sticks straight up like a rooster where it's flat?). We also need to work on your sleep and nap routine. It's all over the place right now - but I think you'll start sleeping in your crib soon and hopefully develop somewhat of a schedule.

My heart melts every morning when I wake up and take my first look at you. We'll have a lot of daddy time in the next couple of weeks before he leaves, and I can't wait to see what the next months have in store for us.

Bad night/ Good night (trial and error begins)

After talking to some of the moms to 6 month old babies about night sleeping, I decided to experiment. Boy, Emi really hated me for doing that (and Scott, I'm sure who had to go to work the next day!).

Some moms were saying that their babies were sleeping through the night (and I mean from 7 - 7 or so), and that they started doing that at about 3 months. Sure, Emi is not that old yet, but it's never too early to start trying right? Wrong! I also told one of them that we wake her up after falling asleep in her swing, take her to bed and feed her, at about midnight every night. This started me thinking - if we put her to bed instead of the swing, I wonder how long she will sleep?

Bad night:
- Tried to put Emi to bed at 8pm. We let her cry and fuss for about 10 minutes, checked and she was wide awake so we brought her back downstairs with us
- We fed Emi at about 9pm because she was fussy(she's usually asleep and doesn't eat at this time, so maybe this was a sign that it was going to be a bad night)
- Put Emi to bed around 9:45. She was awake, but tired
- Emi woke up at 12:15 (only 15 minutes later than when we usually wake her up). Nursed her instead of giving her a bottle
- Woke up at 3:30. I thought she was just unswaddled and needed a diaper change, which I asked/ordered Scott to do (I now realize that was mean, sorry hon). He put her back to bed, and she cried and howled. So I got up and fed her, then put her back to bed
- Emi was unswaddled again at 4:30. Tried to swaddle and put back to bed, but she started crying again. I picked her up and walked around with her for about 20 minutes (she calmed down when I got my glass of water, but then started crying hard again when we went back upstairs). So as a last resort, I put her on the boob and she fell asleep after 10 minutes or so. Back to bed
- Awake again at 7am. Fed and start of the day

Good night:
Maybe we changed too many things at one (no swing, no bottle, ealier time to bed), so we armed ourselves with a bottle ready for the first wake up
- Bath, then feed at 8pm
- In bed by 9:45 or so
- I went to bed at 10:30, with bottle ready to be made at the bedside for the next time she wakes up
- Woke up at 4am, completely surprised that she didn't wake up. Checked to make sure she was still breathing and alive, sigh of releif, and waited for her to start crying for about 15 minutes convinced that I jinxed it. When no crying came, decided to go down and pump since I could not roll over in bed, I was so engorged.
- Emi woke up around 5:15 - Scott and I were in shock and amazement. Fed and back to bed.
- Awake at 8:15. Fed and start of the day

So was it the bath? Was it Murphy's reverse law, that I was armed and prepared with a bottle? Or was it that she was so tired from the bad night, that she needed this good night to catch up on her beauty sleep? I guess we'll find out tonight if some kind of pattern is emerging...

Meeting up again

Last summer, when Scott was gone for the month of July (link), I found Meetup.com and made some new friends and started going out more. The only group that we continued to meet up with regularly was the Brussels Griffon group. Now, I have discovered another group for first time moms.

So far, I have gone to 2 meetups, and I think this is going to be great. Last week, I went on a walk at the beach. Everyone brought their strollers, and all the babes slept through the entire walk. Emi was the second to youngest baby there (kudos to mom of a 5 week old who is already getting out and about), and it felt really good to get out of the house and talk to some other people. Most of the conversations revolved around babies and sharing experiences and tricks of the trade - but once I get to know these folks a little more I have a feeling that "adult" conversations will come soon. I must say that I was pretty out of shape, I got winded from 2 laps of Carlsbad!

This week, I went to a story time picnic at the park. Buddy Todd park is right down the street, and I have never been there. But it was so nice and they allow dogs on leashes, that this may have to be a regular spot for us. Again, Emi slept through the entire meetup - but I read the book that I brought to all the other kids anyway. I'm not reading to her yet, and it's going to take some getting used to reading out loud. I used to read out loud to my stuffed animals all the time when I played school with them - I guess I have to channel that geeky kid again.

I also enrolled in a Mommy and Me yoga class. The class starts out with singing little songs and playing with the babes - again, I feel so silly! But it's good because I don't know any kid songs, or at least forgot all about them. When we sang "row, row, row your boat" the first time, I was thinking "Oh yeah, I remember this song!". The second half of class is yoga for me, which I need and hopefully will start getting me back into shape. After 12 months of little to no exercise, my body is squishy!

So things are getting much better, I am venturing out of the house, and getting used to being a parent. This is really making me not want to go back to work! Ha - in my dreams...

A couple of firsts

It's been an exciting week:
- Emi first smiled last week, and it wasn't just gas (week 5)
- I went out and left Emi alone with Daddy for the first time on Sunday. I ran some errands, and yesterday morning went to my 6 week checkup. Has it really been 6 weeks already?
- Emi discovered her tongue yesterday, and stuck it out at us, mimicking us, last night
- Today, Emi had her first blow out (poop, that is) up her back and all over her onesie, blanket and mattress cover

And most exciting, Scott and I went out on Saturday to see Spamalot. This was our first time leaving Emi with anyone. We dropped her off at my parents house (Uncle Rene and Aunt Rosa were in town to help out), and grabbed a quick lunch on our way downtown to the Civic Center. We then stopped at our house on our way home to let the dogs out and give them dinner, then headed back to my parent's for a family dinner. The show was great (so funny) and I only called home once during intermission to check in on how things were going. Everything went fine, there was minimal crying, and I didn't stress out as much as I thought I would. I knew I would either be the stressed out mom who couldn't wait to go home and missed her baby like crazy, or I would be relieved to have a baby free outing. It was very nice to get away for a little bit, and I didn't say "I wonder what Emi is doing right now" at all! I used to say that all the time when we first left Chewie with anyone (is something wrong with me that I think about my dog that much?). Grandma and Grandpa babysitting is going to have to become a monthly thing, I think!

A successful night out

Tonight was a great night out! Scott came home from work, and we went to buy the swing for Emi. Updates on how she likes it to come, once we try it out tomorrow.
After going to the store, we got dinner at Fudruckers, which we figured was pretty kid friendly, and wouldn't be bad in case Emi decided to wake up and cry. But she was great all night, and did wake up for a bit towards the end of dinner, but was quiet and content. After a couple of swings in the car seat by dad, she was back asleep and I even had to wake her up when we got back home.

But the best part of the night was the beer I had with dinner. This was the first whole beer that I have had in months, and it tasted SO GOOD! And to top things off, they played a Cat Stevens song that I love during dinner. What a great night.

Things I love about Emi:
- The way she stretches and the faces she makes when we wake her up in the morning and unswaddle her. It's is adorable, and I have to get it on video one of these days.
- The way she holds her hands when she's drinking from her bottle. She makes little fists, and tucks them under her chin - which is even more adorable since we've started tucking the burp cloth under her chin, under her hands.
- The way she loves her bath, and the way she looks when her hair is all wet.
- Anytime that she is quiet and sleeping - thank goodness for these small patches of peace at home!

Our growing little monkey - ohoh, who just woke up

Yesterday, Emi weighed in at 8 lbs, 4 oz. and measured 21.5 inches at her doctor's appt. Woohoo! We are doing something right, huh. That means she gained about a pound in 2 weeks - maybe we should call her piggy instead of monkey from now on. She did seem to eat all the time (sometimes every hour) that past 2 weeks, and the doc said that she was probably playing catch up. She also said that sometime babies of little women gain a lot of weight after they are born because they didn't have the room to gain a lot before they were born. So I am little - that was the nicest thing I have heard in months!

I'm still feeling a little house bound (I'm catching up on reruns of the O.C.), but getting Emi out yesterday to visit Scott's work and go to the doctor was good for me. Although it seemed to take a half hour just to leave the house, it was good for me to do that by myself. We are slowly getting into a little more of a routing - Emi still sleeps for about 5 hours at night (which doesn't mean we sleep that long - with all the pumping, washing of bottles, etc), waking up between 5am and 6am. We feed her, change her, and then she goes back to sleep for another 2-3 hours. That's enough time for me to eat breakfast, check emails, and then catch a little nap. The next time she wakes up, she sometimes is very calm and sedate, which lets me take a shower. But sometimes, her crankiness starts, and she fusses unless she's held almost all day. Our afternoons are unpredictable - sometimes she's great, and sometimes it's an afternoon of feeding and rocking. Dinner time usually consists of Scott making dinner while I feed her, then she calms down but of course as soon as we are ready to eat she gets cranky. So we take turns eating, while the other holds her. But fortunately, she's been getting into the habit of sleeping after her 9pm feeding or so, then we wake her up for a bottle at midnight, and the cycle starts over again with about 5 hours of sleep and an early morning for us.

I've noticed that she's crankier when it's hot in the house, and we have been going through a heat wave for the past 2 weeks. We even had to go out and buy an air condition unit - but the improvement in Emi's mood since we got it is worth every penny. We just have to wait and see what our electric bill looks like next month! Scott said tonight that he doesn't even remember what the first week home was like (I wish I could forget!). But time is actually flying by fast, and we are all hanging in there.

Week 3 - just call me Buttercup (moo)

I never imagined what it would be like to be a cow, or a vending machine. But I have a slight glimpse now. I feel like a milk producing animal, and it's constant like a vending machine. It seems like there is no break - it's just hour after hour of constant feeding. Emi seems to want to eat every 1.5 to 2 hours, and sometimes it takes over an hour to feed her, then pump for 15 minutes. Then 10 minutes later, she wants to eat again! I might as well not ever put a shirt on again!

Bema and Papa came to visit this week. It was a good visit, and they did a great job at spoiling their grand daughter (which is a grandparent's job, right?). We finally put some clothes on Emi, who pretty much stayed in just a diaper for the first 2 weeks because it's been so hot, and she was swaddled the majority of the time. She also got her first bath this week - yes we kept her dirty too (are we already bad parents?). Hopefully this is not an indication that she is going to be the smelly kid at school who always seems to have snot hanging out of her nose. She loved her bath, BTW!

Emi also seems to have come down with a case of baby acne - and I also hope this isn't a preview of her skin during puberty. If so, we might want to start stocking up on the clearasil now. She had her 2 week check-up, and weighed in at 7lbs 4 oz. Still going in the right direction, and she said we could start weening her off the supplement. I think that's going to be easier said than done - because she seems to have gotten used to the milk coming pretty fast and not having to work for her food. I also still need to work on making sure my milk supply is at the level that she needs.

The trick to sleeping at night!
We give her a bottle of formula for her last feeding of the day (usually around midnight, or 12:30am). This gets her to sleep all night, usually until about 5am. What a difference this makes for our sanity, and we figured she was already getting formula, so what the hell? I had a hard time with the idea of giving her a bottle (I was scared of nipple confusion), but a lactation consultant who came to the house courtesy of the state of CA said that there is no way to tell if she is going to get confused until you try it. She suggested giving her one bottle, and then seeing how she latches on the next time. If she seems fine, then there is nothing to worry about. So we did this, and it was the best thing ever!

So week 3 was much better than the first 2 weeks, but we are still learning how to all live in harmony. I have been pooped on, peed on, and seem to change diapers 1 minute before she goes again. She will put us in the poor house just with diapers alone! And what are these crying bouts that she has for no reason at all? We're still learning...

Welcome Home Emi! - first 2 weeks home

The past weeks have been a challenge, to say the least. It's been a steep learning curve, and we have had some breast feeding challenges, and a few nights of very little sleep (did I say very little?).

First, I must say that even with a normal delivery, there is definitely recovery time for moms. Ladies - I highly suggest that you take the ice packs that the hospital offers, and stay on them the entire time you are in the hospital. I didn't like the way they felt when they started melting, so declined them after the first one. Big mistake, which I paid for, for days after coming home because I was still a swollen mess.

The first day home was kind of rough on us. I was still sore in the sitting down area (which didn't really get better for about a week), but Grandma and Grandpa Y met us when we got home, and brought us lunch. They did come to see Emi at the hospital every day, but it was nice to have a welcoming party waiting for us. Emi met Bear and Chewie - Chewie was very curious and wanted to come and inspect her all over; Bear seemed to want to give her space and seemed to go upstairs everytime she was downstairs, and go downstairs every time she was upstairs. Emi was a little jaundiced, so the doctor suggested that we put her in indirect sunlight through a window. It was so hot in the house that day, and I probably should not have done that, but she slept for over an hour by the window, and I think she got dehydrated (which may have caused what I describe in the next paragraph). But we made it through the rest of the day, and Emi woke up around 2am that night (which we expected) and we fed her and spent about 10-15 minutes rocking her back to sleep.

The one thing the hospital tells you to do is count the number of diaper changes you go through the first days. The second day at home had Scott running around town trying to find lighter swaddling blankets and Lanolin cream for my nipples. When he got home we got concerned because it was 1pm and there were still no dirty diapers that day. We called the ped, and they said to bring her in right away. They weighed her, and she came in at 6 lbs, 4 oz. They said she lost 15% of her body weight, and this was not good (but up to 10% loss is normal, so don't worry ladies if that's you). We were then told to start supplementing with formula at each feeding. That night we gave her her first supplement through a syringe in her mouth, and she was not a happy camper all night. She spent the majority of that night crying. From there, the pattern of sleepness nights started (which lasted the first 2 weeks). She would sleep great one night, waking up for just her middle of the night feeding. The next night, she would cry the majority of the night and rocking and swaddling did not help one bit. Then it would start over again with a good night the next night.

The following day we went back to the hospital (I didn't think I would see this place so soon again) to talk to the lactation consultant. She gave us a tube to help with the supplement so that we could do it while feeding, and she told me to start using my pump after every feeding. This should help my milk some in quicker, and get her off the supplement sooner. The next day, Emi had her newborn ped appt, and she weighed in at 6 lbs, 11 oz. This was a good sign that we were headed in the right direction, and she told us to keep supplementing and doing what we were doing. Otherwise, Emi checked out just fine. The ped also showed us the trick of how to tell if her diaper is wet. There is a line on the outside that turns blue if it's wet (because diapers are so absorbent these days you can't really tell if they are wet). I wonder how many wet diapers we just let her sit in because we didn't know to look for the line?

We continued with the pumping and supplementing all weekend, but I wasn't getting much out of the pump at all. On Monday, I called the lactation consultant to see if this is normal (which it was), and she said that we are probably doing just fine if Emi isn't crying of hunger all day. But she did suggest that we come in to get a hospital grade pump until my milk comes in, since it might come in quicker with that pump. So we took yet another trip to the hospital!

So overall, the first 2 weeks consisted of my recovery, changing diapers, feeding, supplementing, and pumping. Notice there is very little sleep mentioned? Scott was able to take the entire first week off work, and also stayed home on Monday. Then he went to work Tue - Fri on week 2. Luckily, my mom was able to come over almost every day to help, but it was a tiring and frustrating 2 weeks. There was a lot of crying going on - both from Emi and from me. Looking back, those weeks may have been worse than the labor itself. No one tells you about these things, and adjusting to a newborn is a lot harder than I ever imagined. Everyone says it gets easier - so let's wait for that...

Emi's birth story

Dear Emi Grace,

Welcome to the world. Your arrival was not exactly as I envisioned it, but you are here and safe and healthy, and know that you are always loved. Your name, Emi, is a Japanese name that means "Blessed with Beauty", and when we saw you we knew that this was your name. Your middle name, Grace, was chosen because it starts with the letter G - in remembrance of very important people in your dad's life: his grandfather George and his uncle Gary.

Your guess date was July 25, and that day came and went and I figured that you just weren't ready to join us yet. Believe me, I did everything I could to try to urge you to come, such as eating pineapple, eating spicy foods, walking, going up and down stairs, and lots of other things. Then a week later at a doctor's appt, they said that your fluids were low and that you needed to come out. This took us by surprise, because we really wanted you to tell us when you were ready - but we went home, packed bags and headed to the hospital.

We checked into the hospital at 7:30pm on Friday, July 31. The nurses were very nice, and they worked with us in answering our questions and doing things as slowly as possible to give us time to decide how we wanted to proceed. They let me eat dinner (McD's cheeseburgers, of course), and even agreed to measure your fluids again, which were still low but on the way up. After a lot of thinking and discussing things, your dad and I decided it was best to go ahead and proceed with the induction. They started me on Cervidil at midnight, and said that I would have this for 12 hours, and then they would most likely start Pitocin at noon on Saturday. I was 1 cm dilated. That night, your dad and I watched most of a movie called "Knowing", and as the movie was playing I could feel some contractions starting, but they were mild and I was able to get about 4 hours of sleep once the movie was over.

On Saturday morning, your dad and I woke up early, and I was still having those mild contractions, which were coming anywhere between 3-6 minutes apart. At about 8am, the doctor came in to check on me, and said that I was fully effaced and about 3cm. They said that the Cervidil worked, and that I didn't need to stay on it until noon. She said the next best thing to do was to break my water, and that it might help bring on the natural labor that we really wanted. So we agreed, and very soon after that I started feeling the contractions start to increase in intensity. They brought in some breakfast. They said as long as the contractions continued and got more regular, there was no need to start Pitocin (which was wonderful news!).

Things were moving along very slowly, and the contractions continued to get stronger and more intense. By that afternoon, I needed to start listening to my HypnoBabies scripts to get me through them. I put my earphones in, put the script on repeat, and tried to relax and work through each contraction. They were coming about every 3 minutes, and Scott said I would look like I was completely asleep at times listening to my scripts, and he would watch the monitor and see that I would have 3-4 contractions like that. There were times that I would start to come out of hypnosis (which is really just a deep state of relaxation for me), but your dad was able to calm me down and get me to relax again. Your dad was an amazing support partner. He made sure that I drank a lot of water, got out of bed often, and kept me as comfortable as possible. I do remember him eating 2 hospital meals though - the nurses brought in lunch and dinner, and said that I couldn't eat it, but that he could help himself.

Your Grandma and Grandpa Y came to visit us at the hospital. By this time, I had no idea what time it was, but I think it was right before dinner time. They didn't stay too long because my contractions were starting to get more and more intense, and they wanted to let us concentrate through them. I think it might have been around 4pm that the nurses checked me and I was 5 cm dilated. What a long day, and not much progress! They came back around 8pm to check again, and I was only 6cm. The contractions started to get more and more intense, and at about 8:30 (I think), I started to feel uncomfortable and a little "pushy". Given that things were moving so slow, I was pretty sure that I only had to go to the bathroom, but your dad asked the nurses to check me again to make sure. I was so convinced that I would still only be 6cm, that I started to think about an epidural. The nurses didn't want to check me, since my water had been broken and they just checked 20 minutes prior, but after some convincing they checked and said that I was fully dilated and could start pushing. So those feelings were a sign that you were ready to start making your way into the world! It was so funny, I remember seeing your dad kick things into high gear - he changed out of his flip flops, took off his sweatshirt and got ready for some action.

I didn't really want to push like you see on TV - lying on your back, with your knees up - so the nurses said they would let me push on my own for a while and come back and check in on me. We did this for about 4 hours, and you just weren't making much progress. Plus, my contractions were starting to die down and get further apart. The nurses came in around 1:30am on Sunday, and said that since things weren't really progressing, they wanted to try to have me push with their coaching. It was uncomfortable to be flat on my back, so they let me stay in a somewhat seated position, and they had me push while they counted. We did this for about 2 hours, and I didn't feel you coming down any further and my contractions were now about 6 minutes apart. The decided to call the doctor, and she came in around 3am. She recommended I lay down flat on my back for the next push, to see how far you were coming during the contractions. Then we talked about our options - either start Pitocin to kick up the contractions again (which would take a half hour or so to kick in), and I asked if a vaccuum was an option. She said it was, and that she thought you were far down enough for her to get. I was a little hesitant to resort to a vaccuum, but I remember wanting you in this world now. If you were as tired as I was, I'm sure you were ready, too. The doctor didn't think it would be a problem, but she did say I had to push really hard because she only had 3 tries with a vaccuum. With the next contraction (which were now 7 minutes apart), I pushed really hard and you crowned. We had to wait 7 minutes, then with the next contraction you were born. You came out crying, and I remember the doctor saying she would not clamp the cord until it stopped beating, but you wouldn't reach my chest yet, so listened to you cry and Scott said you were beautiful and had a full head of hair. Once the cord was clamped and cut, they put you on my chest (where you decided to take your first poop, right on me). You were still crying, but when we talked to you, I think you recognized us and started to calm down. After such a long day, this part of the early morning is kind of a blur. I remember you looking at us with wide eyes, and Scott taking some pictures. After what felt like an hour of us talking to you and the doctor stitching me up (I remember asking her how many stitches since these were my first stitches ever, and she said "too many to count"), they weighed you and measured you and then we tried to get you to eat a little bit. You quieted right down, and all of us decided it was time to take a nap. The nurse, Minda, offered to give you a bath, and she brought you right back to my arms when she was done and we slept for a few hours cuddled together in bed.

You entered the world on Sunday, August 2nd at 3:37am, weighing 7 lbs. 9 oz., and measuring 19.5 inches. We loved you before you joined us, and we love you even more now that you are in our arms. I can't wait to see how our life together unfolds.

Love, your mom and dad

Welcome Emi Grace - our little monkey

It's a little late in posting, but Emi Grace Zelesnikar has finally arrived!
She was born on Aug 2, 2009 at 3:37am, after 27.5 hours of drug-free labor. She weighed in at 7 lbs, 9 oz. and was 19.5 inches. She's a little hairy right now, thus I have nicknamed her our little monkey.

Just a side note: The panda at the San Deigo zoo also had a little baby last week. Why is it that people birth 7-9 lb babies, and a 300 lb. panda births a 4 oz. cub that is the size of a stick of butter? I don't think that's fair!

Come on already!

Yesterday, I had my OB appt. This one was a little different. They hooked me up to the fetal monitor, so that they could monitor the baby's heartbeat and see if I am having any contractions. I don't know if it's the position that I was lying in, or the fact that the belts were strapped onto me, but the baby seemed to get really active (you could see my stomach moving around, and I swear the monitor caught some air one time with a big movement). Maybe she's destined to be a diva on screen (or monitor, in this case). But I thought it was interesting that during my appt, I had 3 contractions that I didn't even feel. One time, the doc was talking to me, and she said "you just had one, but I didn't say anything because I wanted to see how you reacted to it". My reaction - nada, zip, nothing, total amazement that I just had one. When I asked her if it was a braxton-hicks contraction, she said "No, that was a pretty good one". So, she said I was having irregular contractions. I guess that's a good sign, and hopefully that means that Baby Z is going to make an appearance soon! Last night, I did feel more of these contractions (I also ate lots of pineapple and we went on another walk), and I went to bed hoping that they would turn into something. Maybe it's mental, but these did seem stronger than the little ones that I had been feeling so far.

I also was able to talk the doc into moving the induction date. Originally, I was scheduled to go in on a Thursday night (2 days shy of 42 weeks). I really want to give Baby Z the whole 42 weeks to come on her own, so we agreed to move the induction to Sunday night (42 weeks and 1 day). The waiting game continues.

Waiting and Waiting

Ok - I am now 40 weeks and 4 days, and I have my next OB check-up this afternoon. After last week's appt, I was really hoping that I would not make it to this one - but here we are a week later and still no Baby Z. Oh well, Scott says she's already taking after me, fashionably late (but really you all, I am usually only 10 minutes late, at the max!)

Lately, we've picked up the amount of walking that we do, I've been walking up and down the stairs during the days, we've been eating spicy food (the Thai food on Friday night has us both sweating up a storm in the restaurant), eating pineapple, Scott tried to find the acupressure points, and I've been making sure to drink my red raspberry leaf tea everyday. Of course - there's the other activity that got us into this mess, so we'll see if these things really work or if it's just a bunch of old wives tales. And I thought the whole sitting on the ball was also garbage, but for the past week or so there has been no more comfortable place to sit other than on my ball. So we've been carrying it up and down the stairs from my desk at work to next to the couch at night. I didn't really think Scott would have to walk into the hospital carrying the ball, but now I think he's going to have to suck it up and carry it proudly.

The past 2 nights I could not sleep, and I thought I felt some very minor pressure waves (aka contractions, probably braxton-hicks). I was thinking maybe this is it and it will turn into labor! But no - I fell asleep eventually and they must have petered out. It's such a disappointment to wake up in the morning and realize that nothing happened that night. I have told Baby Z that she should really come today (or at least in the next day or 2) because she should have her own month for her birthday. We have a lot of family birthdays in August (3 people and Chewie) - she should just go ahead and come on out in July.

This morning, I find myself a little emotional - damn hormones -but maybe it's a good sign! There is a pregnancy blog (His Boys Can Swim) that I just recently came across, and I really wish I had found this earlier, because the couple's due date was only 2 days before mine - so we were going through many of the same things at the same time. Anyway, they had their baby. and their latest post has left me all teary and wanting to write to you all. Let's hope Baby Z joins us soon!

40 weeks... anytime now

So today is my due date. I knew that it's just a guess date and that most babies don't come on their due dates. But I am still kind of hopeful. And I am ready.

Scott kept asking me when I was going to update my blog and write about the baby shower. So much time has passed now - it seems a little anti-climatic. So in a nutshell, Scott's parents came to visit and we had a great time seeing them. Then, Tricia and Kara came to visit - so we had a very full house for about 3-4 days. My parents threw us a really nice shower, and it was so great seeing everyone and Baby Z got lots of great things. We are as ready as we will ever be for our new addition to the family now (bedding and onesies are washed and ready, car seat in the car, etc). I've even got my bag for the hospital mostly packed, so it's just a waiting game now.

I did have a birthday - nice and low key. Then Kara came back to SD for a work trip, and we hung out over the weekend (Scott had a guys outing that weekend, too) and saw the new Harry Potter (I think the last movie was better, but this was still entertaining).

So, these last few weeks have been a little rougher than the rest - but still a very smooth and uncomplicated pregnancy. This is night 2 of little to no sleep - and the last few weeks have been waking up every 2-3 hours to pee. I'm having some pelvic pain (I think it's my pelvis and ligaments stretching for the big day), which makes it hard to walk/waddle and it hurts every time I stand up or try to roll over in bed (which may be why I can't sleep now). And lately it's been really hot here in SD, resulting in very swollen feet. My doc also said that I'm running hotter than most people because I'm pregnant, so I probably am affected by the heat more than most.

At my last appt, we had the post-due talk. She said that medically, they don't want pregnancies to run over 42 weeks. So we scheduled an induction date if Baby Z doesn't make an appearance by Aug 6th (2 days shy of 42 weeks). I am going to talk to her more about moving that out a few days, or what other options we have if there is still no Baby Z by my next appt. I really don't want to be induced if everything is normal and there are no risks or complications. We are picking up the amount of walking that we do, and last night had some spicy Thai food for dinner. It's time to try all the old midwives tricks in the next 10 days or so. Come on down, Baby Z!

Hospital tour

On Monday, Scott and I went to the hospital tour of the labor and delivery section at Scripps Encinitas. It was a little under an hour long, and I left with a very comfortable feeling about this hospital and the things they say they like to strive for. It's very in tune with what Scott and I want (or what I want, and by default what I am making Scott want!).

First, it's very easy to get to (we estimate that it will take about 20-30 minutes to get there, depending on traffic). Parking is free, there is a drop off circle right up front (like the hotel check in area), and there are plenty of parking spaces that you can park for an unlimited time right by the entrance. I am hoping that I can make it there and actually walk myself into the hospital!

Then, once we got inside, they took us up to the Birth Pavilion, which is a separate wing of the hospital that only birthing folks and support people can get into. So, there should be no sick patients walking the hallways or anything like that. Everyone needs to be buzzed in to enter this wing. They also said that if any babies have their ID bands on and they try to go through any of the doors that lead outside, an alarm will sound.

We were taken to a LDR (labor, delivery, recovery) room, and it was as nice as a room in the hospital can be. There is a bathroom with a shower, a bed that folds in multiple ways, a CD player, TV, and maybe a DVD player in the room. They have a 100% rooming in policy, which means that babies will not be taken to a nursery, they stay with you all the time.

A lot of the things that they said line up nicely with my "ideal" birth:
- No mandatory IVs
- They promote walking around - and even let you out in the gardens if you want to be outside
- No mandatory continuous fetal monitoring, and she even said that about 20 minutes an hour is all you really need if everything is going well
- The bed changes into multiple positions, and they support moms not delivering on their back or in a lying down position
- There may be a birthing ball in the room (but she said we should bring ours with us)
- It seems that it will be pretty easy to sneak food/water if I need it
- They said that they like to put babies on mom's tummy or chest, there is no need to take it away to clean it or do tests - that can all be done right on mom, and test can wait a few hours
- And the thing that this hospital is most known (and certified for) is the promotion of breast feeding. They said they like to help start the process within the first hour or two of birth, and really try to make it successful

The only downside is that after recovery, there is a possibility that there are 2 mom's in the same room. They try not to do this, unless they really need the beds. With July statistically being a heavy delivery month, hopefully we'll luck out. If the other bed is empty, they said dad is free to get in bed and spend the night. If it's not free, you just need to get the other person to agree to letting them sleep in a chair.

So overall, I think this will be a good experience, and hopefully we'll get some great nurses that day, too. This hospital also has midwives on staff, and maybe we'll look into that the next time around...

Eighth month, and counting

It's been a while sice I've written, and it's about time for an update. I haven't taken any pictures of the buddha belly lately, so maybe this weekend we will get around to one of those. I am definitely bigger, Baby Z is definitely moving around and kicking harder, and strangers on the street are starting to ask me when I am due.

Scott and I had our 4th wedding anniversary. It was low key - Scott brought home beautiful flowers (sunflowers), and we went to dinner at Poseidon in Del Mar. We had an outdoor table, right on the beach. The food was good, and although the waiter was a little cold and distant at the beginning, he sure opened up when we started talking about anniversaries and children. He even pulled out a picture of his daughter to share with us. Another waitress asked us how long we have been married, and she said that if you live in CA you can double the number because marraiges don't last out here. That's a sad thought, and I don't think things would be any different, no matter where we live. While eating, we saw lots of people walking the beach with their dogs, but one group caught our eye. It looked as if they were walking, and a duck was walking next to them. We couldn't tell if it was a random duck just following them (but we don't normally see a lot of ducks like that on the beach) or if it was possibly their pet duck.

On a sad note, Grandpa Z passed away in May. Scott went home to upstate NY to be with his family, and although it may have seemed like a family reunion, everyone wished it would have been for happier reasons.

Rob, who's stationed out in Okinawa, was in CA for a work trip, and we got together with him for dinner one night. It was good seeing him, and surprisingly it's been over 4 years since we've seen him last. I wish Scott could have hung out with him more, but the day after he got into town Scott left for NY. Oh well, next time.

We started our Hypnobabies childbirth classes on Memorial weekend. So far, we have had 2 classes out of 6. It's a bit of a hike to Mission Viejo every Saturday, but I think it's worth the drive and have enjoyed them so far. I was a little nervous that Scott would be bored, or think that the concept is silly - but he's really been supportive and actually the one encouraging me to try my hardest to practice and let the program work for me. Basically, the program tries to "re-progarm" the way we think about childbirth, and that it is a natural function of life that does not need to be scary, painful, or over medicalized (is that a word?). What I really like about the class is that it is also full of useful, educational teachings (it's not all hypnosis). The first week, we learned about the body, and what is really happening when you get close to delivery time. Last week, we discussed the importance of good nutrition during pregnancy (I have to keep a food log this week), and exercises that are helpful and ideal positions for the baby to be in at delivery (and how to try to get the baby in that position ahead of time). There is a lot of homework - basically we have to
practive our hypnosis every day, but then I also have excercises to do each day, and this week need to keep my food log. I have found that hypnosis is really just teaching yourself to relax deeply, and I am finding that I look forward to the hynosis exercises each day - it's a chance to just sit and relax for a half hour each day, listening to scripts on CD or having Scott read them to me. And in class, they said that when mom is that relaxed, the baby feels it (hormone related, I'm sure), and they start to think of it as active play time. I must say that not every time, but a lot of the time, I do notice Baby Z start kicking and moving around during the scripts. They also say it's a great time for baby to start learning dad's voice. So all in all, I am happy with this program so far.

Scott's almost done with the changing table he's making/refinishing. It's looking good. The nursery is starting to fill up - not just with furniture, but with clothing and presents that have started to arrive in the mail (how exciting, I love baby presents even more than presents for me!). Now, we just need to get a closet or armoire to put all these presents in.
Last weekend, we saw Sarah and Josh (who is 2 months old now, but was a premie and is about 2 weeks past his "due date" now). He has grown so much in 2 months, and Scott held him for about a half hour as we chatted away at a party. He is great with kids, and said that holding Jake has gotten him more excited about having Baby Z.

Next week, we will have a full house. Scott's parents, Kara, and Tricia are all coming in to stay with us. My mom is hosting a baby shower for us (thus the reason for their visit), and it should be a good time. I can't believe that we can actually say "Baby Z is due next month". Scary stuff.