All things must come to an end...

Tomorrow, I go back to work. I thought I would be one of those moms who couldn't wait to go back to work; eager for adult interaction, eager to start thinking in "work mode" again, and eager for a return to "normalcy". But here it is, 10pm the night before I go back to work, and I am dreading it. So much that I would like this evening to never end - and I actually straightened up the house, put away folded laundry, went through our piles of junk in the kitchen, and I don't really want to go to bed because I know the very next thing awaiting me is an early morning of work.

Granted, being a stay at home mom is hard work (and usually an earlier start to the day than the alarm for work) - and there are definitely frustrations and days you wish you could just walk out of the house for a half hour and collect yourself (or scream swear words at the top of your lungs). I do think these frustrations are more intense than any frustration you encounter at work (with projects, with deadlines, with clients...) but they are yours and yours alone, and when you get through them you have a (hopefully) sleeping baby, or smiling baby, and a heart full of love. Even if I end up with smiling clients, I don't end up with a heart full of love.

And all these feelings don't even take into account that I will be leaving Emi at daycare. We don't start that until after Thanksgiving, and I'm sure I will have a load of different emotions next Sunday. But for now, I really don't want to go back to work. I even thought "What if I quit my job, and live on our savings for a year, and reassess at that point in time". But, I don't think we can afford that, and I'm sure that once I am back into the swing of things at work it won't be so bad. Hopefully it's just a feeling of anticipation and dread, like when I was a kid and summer break was over. Once you walk into school, it's not so bad.

On another ironic note: a lot of the cleaning tonight is because the cleaners are coming tomorrow. How come I always feel like I have to clean the day before the cleaners come? Oh well...

Roll over...

The other day (3 months, and 2 days) Emi rolled over from her tummy to her back. It was at yoga class, and I didn't really see it, but the teacher did and she said that Emi had a surprised look on her face. That afternoon, she rolled over the same way 3 more times at my parent's house. It was funny, she was just using the weight of her big head to roll her over that shoulder. But since then, she has not done it at all. BUT - she has rolled over from her back to her tummy on 2 different days. Here's a clip of it. So I think this one is here to stay (although she only goes to her left side). Our days of leaving her on the couch while we do something really quick are over. Oh well...

Satisfying

There is something very satisfying about second helpings. I wonder if other people think this, and do something similar. Tonight, I am making spaghetti for dinner - for one. I make just enough that I know I am going to finish it tonight, and have no left overs. But when I dish it out for myself, I only dish out half, so that I can come back and get a second helping. Even though I know I am going to eat all of it. I could dish it all out, and eat it all - but that is just not satisfying. Am I strange?

On another note - I have made it through the first week of Scott being in VA. Overall, not a bad week (sad, but not at tough as I thought it was going to be). Scott left very early on Saturday morning, and I was really feeling bad with a cold that we both caught just in time for his last 2 days at home. Emi was amazing and let me sleep a lot that day, and she was up and happily hanging out in her swing, took nice long naps, and really gave me the time I needed to start recovering. I thought the first week was going to be miserable - similar to how the first week at home after having Emi was (lots of crying, little sleep, etc). Although her sleep schedule was a little off, it was not terrible. I do think she misses Scott, because she was more fussy than usual in the evenings, but it was manageable. I've been keeping busy with the mom's group, and my parents have been life savers and have been bringing me dinner a lot. I have a feeling that time will go by much faster once I start working (which I don't want to do), but it is still going to be a long 19 more weeks...

Emi had her 3 month check up and shots today. She weighed in at 12 pounds on the dot (and Grandpa measured her at 24 inches). My baby is growing up!