All things must come to an end...

Tomorrow, I go back to work. I thought I would be one of those moms who couldn't wait to go back to work; eager for adult interaction, eager to start thinking in "work mode" again, and eager for a return to "normalcy". But here it is, 10pm the night before I go back to work, and I am dreading it. So much that I would like this evening to never end - and I actually straightened up the house, put away folded laundry, went through our piles of junk in the kitchen, and I don't really want to go to bed because I know the very next thing awaiting me is an early morning of work.

Granted, being a stay at home mom is hard work (and usually an earlier start to the day than the alarm for work) - and there are definitely frustrations and days you wish you could just walk out of the house for a half hour and collect yourself (or scream swear words at the top of your lungs). I do think these frustrations are more intense than any frustration you encounter at work (with projects, with deadlines, with clients...) but they are yours and yours alone, and when you get through them you have a (hopefully) sleeping baby, or smiling baby, and a heart full of love. Even if I end up with smiling clients, I don't end up with a heart full of love.

And all these feelings don't even take into account that I will be leaving Emi at daycare. We don't start that until after Thanksgiving, and I'm sure I will have a load of different emotions next Sunday. But for now, I really don't want to go back to work. I even thought "What if I quit my job, and live on our savings for a year, and reassess at that point in time". But, I don't think we can afford that, and I'm sure that once I am back into the swing of things at work it won't be so bad. Hopefully it's just a feeling of anticipation and dread, like when I was a kid and summer break was over. Once you walk into school, it's not so bad.

On another ironic note: a lot of the cleaning tonight is because the cleaners are coming tomorrow. How come I always feel like I have to clean the day before the cleaners come? Oh well...