To single moms out there, I salute you...

And I thought being a mom was hard. I have a new respect for single moms.

When Emi was born, I related to and respected all moms out there. Being a mom is tiring, and it is hard work. Stay at home moms definitely have a "job". But I grew to like being a stay at home mom. I remember when Scott went to Iraq, many people said "well, at least you don't have kids so it won't be too bad". I actually think it was harder when he was in Iraq. I was depressed and lonely. But Scott's absense isn't as bad this go round (granted, I am not worried for his safetly and his well being). I have a reason for getting up in the morning, a daily distraction, and I have company (not that Bear wasn't a great best friend for 8 months). But, like I said before, being a mom is hard work. Every day is unpredictable (becuase Emi doesn't have a routine yet). I don't know if she'll sleep through the night, what time she'll get up in the morning, if it will be a good day or a fussy day, if she will take any naps, nor what time she will go to bed. But the giggles, the smiles, and the fun that we have together is worth it.

Now, I have found that being a single mom must be 1000 times harder than just being a mom. I consider myself a 70% single mom right now. I at least have the luxury of being able to talk to Scott daily, to vent to him if I need to, and the comfort of knowing that this is temporary and he will be home in 4 months.

I am not enjoying being back to work. It has been a busier week than normal (covering for people who are out, new high maintenance and demanding clients, year end rush), but regardless, I dream of going back to being a stay at home mom. At least I can dream about this, and if we really wanted to sacrifice a little and make that a reality, it's an option (well, maybe). Single moms have no choice but to work in order to support their family. I imagine life is a constant juggling act, with many sacrifices and compromises. Single moms need strength, endurance, and motivation. I think single moms are amazing.

Emi's first week at daycare was hard, and probably harder on me than on her. The mornings start very early. And now that she is sleeping through the night most of the time, I hate waking her up in the morning (especially on those night that she does not sleep through the night). Every book says that sleep is so important for a baby's development, I feel like I am short changing her on development time. But we will eventually get our mornings into a routine, and things will be better.

Dropping her off wasn't as hard as I thought it was going to be (I fully expected to cry). But I was concentrating so much on not getting emotional, that I completely forgot to say goodbye to her (bad mommy, bad mommy). I got back into the car, looked in the rear view mirror and saw her car seat without her in it, and got a little teary. I was so anxious and concerned about how she was doing, that I went to pick her up early. As soon as I walked through the door, I could hear crying and could tell that it was her. When I walked in the room, there she was; wrapped up in a blanket in the arms of Miss Garry in the rocking chair. When I picked her up she calmed down, and the first question Miss Garry asked was "how do you get her to take a nap?" I knew this was going to a problem. I also remember thinking that she smelled different that day - strange, I know, but it kind of got to me. We chatted a little about what she likes, and I took her home. I had to do some more work, and fortunately Emi took a nap when we got home, probably exhausted from her day of crying. The evening consisted of my trying to bond and make up for the lost hours in the day with Emi, washing and preparing bottles, clothes, and mentally getting ready for tomorrow.

The next day, she was not crying when I picked her up, but she looked puffy like she had cried a lot. We got home and she took a nap. Daycare was not getting any easier yet.

Each day for the rest of the week seemed a little better. By the end of the week she was staying a full day (no more lunch time pick ups), and they said that she wasn't crying as much and that she was starting smile and giggle during the day. I think Emi got used to it a lot quicker than I did. I still hate waking her up in the morning, and hate being away from her for such a long time.

Everyone says this will get easier - but for now it's sad, it's tiring, and single moms amaze me.